1)  In America, using the metric system can get you in legal trouble 2) I just broke up with my mathematician girlfriend. She was obsessed with an X 3) When I die, I want to be cremated. It’s my last chance to have a smokin’ hot body. 4) What do you call a sad cup of coffee? Depresso. 5) What’s green and has wheels? Grass. I lied about the wheels. 6) Women should not have children after 36—really, 36 children is enough. 7) My friend said that if he went off a cliff, it would be on his own...