• James Thorpe

Local Man Annoyed At His Job

Local telemarketer and car air freshener enthusiast Christian Martinez-Kowalski was reported saying during his shift, “Man, if Darren asks me one more time to put my phone away I’m going to flip out! I’m setting up a major Dungeons & Dragons game this afternoon and I need to be able to make arrangements,” after his supervisor, 47-year-old Darren Jones of Forest Park, had asked him “to maybe spend more time trying to make sales.”

“I just don’t understand what that guy f*****n’ deal is. I make more sales than Monica and he never says anything to her.” said Martinez-Kowalski, according to the anonymous source, who was referring to a Monica Piatti who has not worked at the telemarketing firm in over two months. The 19-year-old Martinez-Kowalski then said, “I guess he’s just mad because I’m going to escape this dump of a town one day and he’s going to be stuck here.” When asked what his plans were to move out, the Naperville car air freshener enthusiast was quoted as saying “Me and a buddy are cooking up a new car air freshener that smells like mint and toast.”

“Who? Oh, that new kid. Yeah he’s been here for like three months but to be honest with you, I forget that he’s here most of the time. I’m pretty sure he’s getting fired next week,” said Martinez-Kowalski’s supervisor Darren Jones who then continued, “He keeps stealing the air fresheners from the break room. He’s kind of a weirdo.” The anonymous source of this story chose to keep his or her identity withheld for safety reasons.

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