Holiday Clap-Backs

November 16, 2017

 

The holidays are a stressful time for all, getting the perfect gift for a loved one, finding the best cranberry sauce recipe and cleaning for the holiday party you are hosting is more than enough to make one want to pull their hair out. However, when a college student is home for the holidays, their stress level is equivalent to Ross' in that episode of Friends where he drinks all those margaritas and keeps assuring everyone that he is fine.

 

After four long months of independence (and never ending assignments, exams and anxiety), college students return home for the holidays leaving behind the baggage of the last semester, ready to enjoy non-cafeteria food and hibernate before returning for the spring semester.

 

Although the sleepy student wants nothing more than to escape the daunting responsibilities of adulthood they face at school, family members always seem to pester them with bothersome questions about their romantic life, school work and future.

 

If you need a break from the endless questioning by various family members, then here are some perfect clap-backs to ensure your family immediately stops talking to you for the rest of your break (and possibly forever):

 

Family Member: Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?

Clap-back: Do you have food that isn’t tasteless?

 

Family Member: You’re always on your phone.

Clap-back: Just like you always unemployed.

 

Family Member: Why did you decide on THAT major?

Clap-back: Why is no one eating your potato salad?

 

Family Member: What are your plans after graduation?

Clap-back: What are your plans to fix your marriage?

 

Family Member: Are you sure drinking that whole bottle of wine is good idea?

Clap-back: Are you sure going through with this pregnancy is a good idea?

 

Family Member: Where is your boyfriend/girlfriend?

Clap-back: Where are all your teeth, grandpa?

 

Family Member: Aren’t you a little old to be excited for presents?

Clap-back: Aren’t you a little old to be alive.

 

Family Member: You need to raise your GPA!

Clap-back: You need to raise you kids.

 

Family Member: Isn’t this your second helping of food?

Clap-back: Isn’t this your second divorce?

 

Family Member: Where’s my Christmas present?

Clap-back: Where’s your degree?

 

Family Member: What are your grades looking like?

Clap-back: What is your credit score looking like?

 

*** Warning: Most family members may find these clap-backs rude and highly offensive, they should be used with caution. ***

 

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